Creativity

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A creative mind,
sees the sublime.
The infectiousness of space and time.
This yields a desire
To inspire.
To grow and stretch,
and reach,
The excitement to teach.
In awe.
The day without limits,
Not gray but infused with color and insight.
To entertain a spark
This excitement,
is a treasure of the heart.
Born with this birthright,
It is a gift to give and to share.
A lift of soul thru space and time.
Again sublime.
All is possible thru time.
Creativity is yours,
and its mine.
Live, thrive, excite!

thSCTNRJEN

Linda

That which was concealed

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What has been given,
Has been received.
What has been revealed,
shall I still conceal?
Heaviness is at fault,
given of an unseen force.
For what lies beneath,
is the discovery of a lifetime.
Could there be more meaning,
in such little words?
Could there be more dreaming?
What was waiting to be revealed,
that took so long,
hidden and concealed?
I’m shocked, it’s real!
Given of unknown reason,
and yet not unknown,
to me, me!
Really?
Did you know that poems can be heavy,
and poems can be light,
poems may seem wrong,
and poems may seem, right?
Understanding the true meaning,
of the things, we have won.
That such hard work is not easily undone?
It’s to know that what has been given,
is in fact revealed,
It is true,
I am Real!
Invisiableness is for the weak,
I am not so,
so I’ve learned.
To trust in time,
and lift burdens,
placed upon.
Knowing from which it has come,
knowing that the wickedness is done.
Breaking away the shell,
Exposing the skin of youth,
and the mind of the heart.
Knowing the truth.
It was always there,
waiting in despair.
To know the right to reveal
and expose the one,
who had no right to steal.
Had no right to conceal.
Hidden away in a place.
To no one has it seen.
All was left to dream.
And yet courage gave the right to scream,
of the mystery that was placed.
carefully kept in waste
and stole the meaning of,
that which has been revealed.
That which has been received.
That I am REAL!
Linda Booth

Childhood

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Is wanting childhood back such an empty hope. Is it possible to recapture some of it? If only in my head, I pray that I can get some peace with this idea. Perhaps a sparkle that I can see in a random child’s eye. If I looked upon my own image in a mirror would or could I see that same sparkle in my own eyes someday? Could it be that I have worked hard enough to catch a glimpse of what might have been or who I was as a child? I do still live with the longings of childhood. I wonder if those feelings will ever go away. I want that same childlike wonder and excitement. The energy and wonderment which is a birthright taken away by selfishness.
Of the millions or more children who have suffered child abuse what makes me think that mine has any unique story. We are all different like the snowflakes that fall from the heavens on a cold winter day. Each child has different scars and no scar can, look-alike. Just like fingerprints, each child’s experience of abuse is different.  Each child deals with their emotions and memories or events surrounding the abuse differently. Therefore we can never compare one story against another.
If we could gather together every child’s story and shoot it up to the heavens would the sound be loud enough for the whole world to hear? You would think so. People must realize and know that the impact of such horrendous pain on these, our precious children will alter the course of the earth as we know it unless something is done to stop it.
Linda Booth

Any Wish


There’s nothing I wouldn’t do,
if you asked me to.
To the ends of the earth,
and back again.
I’d do it for you, my friend,
again and again.
On this truth, you can rely.
With all that we’ve been through,
I would give the world to you.
I love you.
Most assuredly you know that in my heart
to you, I bestow this gift,
for any wish.
You can come to collect,
and I will promise to follow
with results in excess
to this, I can attest,
From here on in,
you should always know,
there’s nothing I wouldn’t do,
if you asked me to.

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Linda Booth

I want off the rollercoaster!

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I think that my moods are getting better. I hope so anyway. I thoroughly enjoy the days that I feel happy and energized.  But that scary unexpected sink in mood is costly because it steals my will for a while. It zaps my motivation. It is so discouraging. I hate when I have a few good days because I know that  I am just waiting for the fall. It’s more like a vacuum. I get sucked in beyond my control. It knocks the wind out of me sometimes. I seem to go to a very dark place but I did not make that choice. That dark place does not care whether I have plans or if I  have to wash the dishes. It steals my choice and throws my plans to get better out the window. I go to look for it but it just seems to disappear without a trace. I have no desire to move farther from the couch I cry a lot for no apparent reason.

A few days or weeks go by and I am on a upclimb again. My life is not easy. But I’m alive! I live for the days that I can be productive and to feel joy again.

My life is a perpetual rollercoaster ride. Getting off is not in my control. Im at its mercy until I can step off for a while. I would like to be done with this cycle of mood swings.

That’s what I am in therapy for. The EMDR work on the trauma from child abuse gives me hope because I have already seen positive results. I also have a great therapist.

I am on the up swing. I pray that I can just enjoy it until the next scary drop. The thing that I hate the most about rollercoasters is the drop.

Prayer really does help but I need to make a stronger habit of it.

Linda

I’m a Survivor

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I am finished with IOP now and I am starting to get more energy back. I am a bit more productive.  If feels good to accomplish goals that I set for myself daily. I know that it is important not to take to much in a day or I will most-assuredly become discouraged and that can send me backwards again. I don’t want to go backward!

For the past year, I have been hiding out in my house. I go to very few places. Part of that is just being sensitive and do not mind being alone. The INFJ personality type has a sensitivity that prevents them from wanting to be around a crowd of people. It’s ok for me sometimes. But I can only take so much of being in a social situation and then I have to be alone for a while to recharge. Then if I have to go back I will be alright for a while and then need to recharge (energy) again. The noise in a crowd can be too much. To me, it’s not always like a bunch of people talking. It sounds like this loud uncomfortable roar.

I know that when I get farther along in therapy I will not be such a hermit. Who knows maybe even getting a job. I have to set goals for myself because otherwise I just feel lost and don’t know what to do with my time. I might even do some type of volunteer work. That would make me feel great if and only if I get to the point when I can handle being around people more. When the girls were little I did work. I was a housekeeping supervisor.  I loved that job. I did for about nine years. Then my child abuse issues were starting to get overwhelming and I quit.  But I loved it. It is always easier for me when my time is structured and I have things to do that have to be done.

I have been pushing everyone important to me away lately. I know that I am hurting them because of this but on the other hand I don’t feel like can change that right.

I really think only survivors of child abuse can know completely how difficult life can be.  We know how devastating and even catastrophic childhood abuse impacts the lives of survivors and their family.

I am a survivor. I will get better!

Blessings to all of my faithful readers!

PrincessesNameLinda