This has been my life for the past few months and I do not know why. It’s like the earth is purging upward, beneath me. What’s that all about. Is life refusing me? Is it rejecting me too? I doubt within two minutes that I thought to take a breath. I am making impulsive decisions without any care or reason. I am causing my own pain. I’m not a masochist. I don’t like it. I can’t see straight through the tears. If I was building a puzzle to find my life, I messed that up a long time ago. I have been in this constant storm of emotions and I can’t sort it out. My words were caught on my computer but then they just lost their way. I haven’t heard a word from them in days. I am at some sort of threshold, but I do not know what it is. It’s like I am being placed there like a piece of furniture. But the idea is that I don’t know if I am in control. My life’s like one of those superhighways and you don’t know which lane to turn. It is so confusing and it’s moving so fast, its twisting and turning and the roar is so loud.
Am I about to crash?
I feel a sense of pulling in to tighten my strength to whether some sort of catastrophe, I think? Do I approach what’s before me even though I have no knowledge of what it is? I do have to say that I am very scared and excited? The world is weighing in on this disaster that I am in. It’s adding much more punch and fear and the sky is a weird sort of green. What does all this mean? In which direction should I go? I take a step and stumble on a slope.
It’s raining now, wait, is that rain?” I could swear that things are flying over to where I cannot see. Am I lost? Maybe that’s it. I trust no one so I must find out what all this crazy shifting and flying tantrums are about. I am truly lost.