I have been on the strangest ride of very difficult emotions lately. I am not always sure how to handle these emotions on a continuum. That is just how it is sometimes. I am constantly seeking a way out but not in the usual ways that can destroy my life
I have experienced this many time in the past. However, when this happens my world seems to stop. I have to try and figure it out. I try, and I try and I never do get actual results with it. The conclusion is that I was never able to cope and deal with my difficult emotions without some kind of intervention. There was a time years ago that this would happen. It was like being stuck in a trap, but no one is holding me there and I had the key all along. As I have grown emotionally, I have been able to see life from other perspectives and this has enabled me to move forward in my life despite these drifting emotional tides
There are always confusing and misleading ideas from those professional’s that I have dealt with over the years. Of course, they all think that they have the answer, but their answers are all different. How am I supposed to trust the professionals? In theory, if I worked hard enough on myself would I not find the answer that I am seeking. They cannot get inside my head. Doctors, therapists, they see you once a week for an hour. What do they really know about you? They go based on what they see in the hospital or office visit but there may be many things that I choose not to tell and many times that I choose to hide instead. In by doing this, they could be giving out the wrong diagnosis.
I am different, so my personality profile says, I am an INFJ. We make up only 1% of the population worldwide. I had this debate with my therapist. Ok, maybe it wasn’t really a debate but it was more like we were having a hard time seeing each other’s side. I think she thought that I was really trying to say how special I am to have this personality type. No, not really, what I was trying to say was that I am different and rare. So, I do not fit in a box or textbook illness title or even mold. I don’t fit because I am that different. If only people tried to understand these deference’s, then and only then can they give an accurate assessment.
I’m still waiting. I don’t believe that they will ever understand me. This is where my frustration comes to play. I never know which way to turn or act, or should I freeze when these emotional tides rush in?