My last therapy session seemed to have triggered a lot of very vivid dreams. I wish that I could say that they were all good ones but sadly they were disturbing. In therapy this past week, we talked about one of the most traumatic memories of my childhood. EMDR causes the mind to release trapped trauma. It is very intense. I feel the emotions of that memory and I have body memories. I am not sure which is worse. I think they are equally bad to face. But without effort and bravery I would be left with these memories. The horrors of that time would forever be entombed in my mind only to be triggered at random times and events throughout my life, leaving devastation in their wake. I don’t want to live my life with that kind of fear and pain. So, I will bravely press on and allow the release of feelings knowing that although it will be uncomfortable, its temporary. I will share these memories with this blog but not until I am fully finished processing it.
The dreams that it triggered seemed so real. I had felt like I time-traveled back to my childhood. I know that dreams are not ever completely literal. But honestly it did feel the same at times. It seemed like I dreamt all night. I would often wake up in fear, shaking and then go back to sleep only to find myself in the same sort-of experience. This seemed to go on forever, though I know that it did not. Nevertheless, they are still just dreams and they can not harm me. I will not let some scary and painful dreams stop me from my goal to move on in my life. The freedom and joy that I will feel from not giving up will be worth all those restless dreams.