Moving forward from being stuck

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I have asked myself if I am technically,  still stuck or am I moving forward.

If I am in treatment and actively working on my issues then I am definitely moving forward.

So with that out of the way, I have to say that group therapy is a positive move in my journey of healing from the effects of child abuse. It’s never easy to reflect on the things in your life that has caused so much turmoil. But just starting to deal with the emotion, although painful, is necessary to heal. I know this because I have already felt freer after working on some memories. Its does get better. when I feel myself falling back for a while I will always have the experience of feeling better to encourage more work, more movement.

I use a lot of self talk to keep me on the right track. It’s so easy to get discouraged and even think of giving up but the results of working hard on yourself can reap huge rewards.

No matter how long it takes or how long I have struggled.

Linda

Missing time

My therapist asked me if I experienced missing time. It was asked at the end of session. That’s it. I did not really answer her and she did not say why she asked me that.

It’s made me very worried. It may be nothing.

I’ll have to ask after the IOP. I start that tomorrow. I am really nervous.

I sure I’ll be fine. Just first day jitters.

Linda

IOP (Intensive Out Patient Program

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I just returned from therapy and I am exhausted. I have been seriously depressed for about three weeks. My therapist recommended taking a break from the EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). This a form of treatment that has become very helpful in dealing with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It has helped to deal with painful memories from my childhood. But its been getting increasingly worse more and more and harder to deal with it all. I guess it is time for a break.

IOP will provide the stability that I need right now and being out of the house will be scary but healthy for me.

My heart goes out to all those suffering from depression and anxiety and dealing a painful past.

I am sending a mental and emotional hug to you all.

Take care and stay safe.

Linda

The day after

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Its Monday morning. Yes, I did manage to get about 6 hours of sleep. My mood is a bit better. I am glad for that. I have therapy today and this will help further in my efforts to de-stress. But also, to figure out what is causing me to feel this way without much let-up.

My gut feeling about all of this is that I have come to the point in my therapy where I know that I need to talk about the worst memories. To me that is terrifying. Emdr does take the charge off the memory so that it becomes manageable. But I first have to delve into the memories and talk about them and feel the emotions. The more that I work on it the more the fear of it subsides.

I will continue to do this.  I want something better for my life than just existing from day today.

Linda

A note to my 8 year old inner child.

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Dear Inner Linda,

I know your there.

I can hear you crying.

I am so sorry that you have to keep talking about what happened to you. I know you’re scared. I know what he did has stomped on your spirit.

But the truth is little girl that the spirit never dies and one day soon you will be able to send out that spark of amazing creativity that I know you have, to make a difference in the world.

For now, just know that I will take care of you and if you need me to sing you a song or buy a toy or……….just listen…I am always right here for you.

Adult Linda

Pressed in every way!

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Did you ever have that feeling that you hit a brick wall when it comes to certain points in your life? I remember a scripture from the Bible that always gave me the strength to go on and move forward.

Its 2 Corinthians 4:8,9,  “We are hard-pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement, we are perplexed but not completely with no way out. We are persecuted but not abandoned, we are knocked down but not destroyed.” (New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures).

In the past, I used to feel trapped a lot! I felt trapped in a physical way of course by my father but I also now feel emotionally trapped and spiritually stuck! I feel unable to move forward. I am confused.

I have therapy tomorrow and I will have time to try and work this out with my therapist but I know that its only 50 minutes long. I feel scared that I still might not know why this is all happening to me when I leave.  Why now?  What is happening right now, that is causing all this distress?

There might as well be a brick wall in my way even though there is really nothing there.

My emotions are so strong right now that the only way to describe this, is running right into a brick wall and that hurts. That hurts physically and emotionally and metaphorically speaking,  I need damage control. But I don’t know how to get that or how to find a way around the wall.

I will just sleep on it and I am almost sure that it’s possible that I might feel different in the morning.

Thank goodness for the wisdom from Gods word the Bible because I know that I am not stuck,” completely with no way out”.

Linda

Gratitude

 

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I am grateful that I have so many things to be grateful for.
1 The love of my Heavenly Father!
2 My beautiful Husband of 40 years!
3 My four Beautiful Daughters!
4 My 10 Beautiful Grandchildren

5 I am grateful to have a roof over my head and enough food to eat.

6 I am Creative and enjoy art and crafting

7 My middle name is Mary-No-(Write) I love to write. Words are my thing!

8 I am proud and grateful for all the help through-out my journey of healing
thus far!
9 I am really grateful for my therapist and Psychiatrist!

10 I am grateful to be alive!
I could go on all day and I can also include more thought into each
gratefulness that I chose.

When a person is down and depressed its really hard to work on
a gratitude list. But it can be done. If we just sit awhile and just think about
them before they even get onto the paper. Let the mind wander away
from pain and into some peacefulness that we all need from time to time.

It might just lift your spirit. See how many you can come up with. Just
in this very process, a person can begin to feel lifted and lighter.

I know it works for me

Linda