I am finished with IOP now and I am starting to get more energy back. I am a bit more productive. If feels good to accomplish goals that I set for myself daily. I know that it is important not to take to much in a day or I will most-assuredly become discouraged and that can send me backwards again. I don’t want to go backward!
For the past year, I have been hiding out in my house. I go to very few places. Part of that is just being sensitive and do not mind being alone. The INFJ personality type has a sensitivity that prevents them from wanting to be around a crowd of people. It’s ok for me sometimes. But I can only take so much of being in a social situation and then I have to be alone for a while to recharge. Then if I have to go back I will be alright for a while and then need to recharge (energy) again. The noise in a crowd can be too much. To me, it’s not always like a bunch of people talking. It sounds like this loud uncomfortable roar.
I know that when I get farther along in therapy I will not be such a hermit. Who knows maybe even getting a job. I have to set goals for myself because otherwise I just feel lost and don’t know what to do with my time. I might even do some type of volunteer work. That would make me feel great if and only if I get to the point when I can handle being around people more. When the girls were little I did work. I was a housekeeping supervisor. I loved that job. I did for about nine years. Then my child abuse issues were starting to get overwhelming and I quit. But I loved it. It is always easier for me when my time is structured and I have things to do that have to be done.
I have been pushing everyone important to me away lately. I know that I am hurting them because of this but on the other hand I don’t feel like can change that right.
I really think only survivors of child abuse can know completely how difficult life can be. We know how devastating and even catastrophic childhood abuse impacts the lives of survivors and their family.
I am a survivor. I will get better!
Blessings to all of my faithful readers!